I met up with the person who told me I need to be with a man again. He looked happier this time which is good. I am happy for him. He continued to ask me different questions to see if there is any guy interested in me these days. I am not looking for one. I avoided mentioning any name and gender of my new friends but eventually after asking for a while in vain he finally asked me if there was any boy. Pretty much half of the time we were talking about it. To me he was forcing his opinion on me even though he said he wasn’t. I wish I was better then I would have been able to defend myself better.
I care about him. He seems to have said all these things wanting what is best for me in his perception. He was more friendly than last time and I was told by the universe to be kind to him. He also gave me all the suggestions saying I need to do this and that, which is true in a way but not in the way he made me feel. However, I forgot being kind doesn’t mean being open. I was very open to this person. After all we have known each other over 1 third of our lives. After seeing him, I was filled with fear about my future which is so so foreign to me because I have been trying to follow the universe. The universe never failed me. It has always given me what I need at the most beneficial time for me, which has been prominently demonstrated in various trips I have taken both for fun, work and for healing. Yet after saying goodbye, I could feel something was maintaining my balance above my head yet eventually my mind took over and I was filled with fear. Speaking of that I have been quite shame of myself. I was kind of like what I have read in the bible when I was in high school. Just like the people of Israel, they lost faith in god as soon as there were problems. They forgot the abundance god has given them the instance they starts suffering.
A lot of us face issues like this every day, be it about faith or love and relationship like when you refuse to acknowledge you haven’t got over your ex, do you continue to ignore it and push on or do you choose to be kind, take a straight look at your imperfection, and acknowledge it? That was what I chose to do rather than lying to myself telling myself I was fine after being filled with fear. I felt a great relieve as soon as I did that and I felt words through my mind with this feeling I felt. The words were “kindness to your own self”. It was telling me what I did was performing kindness to myself, which is I guess something new I just learnt today. It is very important to know how to be kind to ourselves because the lack of that can cause self blame and self hate which are both severely detrimental to our mental and physical health.
Next time when you feel like you failed at something or when you want to lie to yourself about your feelings, it is much kinder to yourself if you look at them, acknowledge your true feelings and accept them. For me, I felt like I accomplished something I have never been able to do and it was liberating. I hope you would feel the same as well.
As Always, Stay High and Be Kind to Yourself!