As many people who have gone through losing a loved one, their absence is unbearable for a long time. That was the reason that started my search for true happiness. I did not want to feel empty again. Why should I? I am whole made of the light of the universe. I exhibit the properties of the whole which is wholeness. I kept asking for signs and leads to lead me to inner happiness and self love and one day at my desk at work my mind’s eye just opened and I “saw” in my mind what the universe wanted to show me. This happened to me sometimes when I ask for answers on certain things and I guess if the universe deems it appropriate to show me something, then it does.
What I saw was a completely white place illuminated with white light that was bright but wasn’t bright enough to hurt my eyes. There was a person kneeling down with the torso on the ground who wasn’t in flesh color but just white like the room but you can see the outline of that person with the exception of the chakras in their own colors. The torso got cut off at around waist area and there was no blood or anything but just like a pen drawn picture which did not continue and then around maybe a feet or two away from the waist area there was him with the upper part of the body separated from the rest of the lower part. His upper body was on the ground crying with his hands around his face and head. The pain and suffering of the upper part and serenity, tranquility and stillness of the the lower part were in great contrast.
Then I noticed somewhere I think above the lower part of the body or the area between the two parts of the body I saw a row of faces all the way down to their necklines levitating in the air like clothes hung in a closet. They were movable so you can browse through them. Each of them was like a record recording the life encounters and the personality of this soul, none of which was the soul itself. And it was then it hit me. The person whom I “loved” was never really who he “is”. Like his previous lives, he too will be a record and a record only, and I was never truly in “love” with “him”. I felt silly instantly as I felt like I was in “love” with a facade which has never been and will never be “real”.
During an episode like this, I usually would not only see but felt what the messages are. From this one, I also felt the ego was separated from the soul. The soul never suffers and it is the ego that does. Therefore, whenever you feel like you are suffering, like when you feel annoyance, you are experiencing the ego existence instead of the soul’s. This was the time when I really try to stay in the presence and I was trying to really distinguish the ego from my soul so it really shows me anytime when i feel non-positive feelings, I was just not present. Interesting eh?
Other than the simultaneous feelings, I have also, after the episode, come up with a couple deductions of my own to help me stop the heart pain, which I understand could be faulty considering how it comes from the brain not the oneness. You can still use them as reference if you want though. You are recommended to exercise your own judgement carefully!:)
- Our soul doesn’t suffer because it is in a way “perfect” so that probably means ego isn’t perfect and it is just the blocked version of our soul’s expression at its best. To say it more blunt, egos, at least flawed ones which cannot express the soul’s true shine, are just different degrees of “fxxked-up-ness”. If so, why would I choose to “love” anyone’s egos anymore? (This does not mean I hate people. OMG lol. I do not view the ego as Bad at all now because I do not know really but I felt I should be authentic about the experience and that F word was the word I used. in my spiritual notebook)
- Love my soul’s essence which is way better than the ego. I believe you will learn to love others correctly after you have master true self love.
Unfortunately at that time it was only a very short time after he was gone so even though that was very enlightening I was not able to let that cure me. I was still in pain because of many reasons. For those who feel like you have had so much healing and received many messages from the universe yet still feel like things are hopeless or are not going as good as you have wished for. Do not give up on yourself. Sometimes things need to be combined to have a certain effect so perhaps later something else will happen and you will be able to use whatever knowledge you learnt before to make sense out of your situation and things will get better. If you truly want things to get better, my belief is the universe will do everything it takes to achieve that. It is my belief and in my experience that the universe is made of love, nothing bad. Now I really wish we all can see that. 🙂
Thank you all for your continuous support on the blog! Bless your days 🙂
My Journey back to Love 